You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize