I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
