i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You need a sexual gate keeper
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize