Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
