We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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