I could make wine with my vomit
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
