Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
