got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
