You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Sober January is a disaster.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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