I just cut my nipple shaving
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize