tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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