if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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