Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
