3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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