I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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