No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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