Non-Jews are for practice
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize