from now on my penis is your penis
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
