We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
