I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
