If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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