Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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