First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
