Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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