Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the condom got lost in my hair
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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