i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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