I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
