the day after is always just damage control
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
