I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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