We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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