I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
