I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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