Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
