is your mom at the bar?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize