my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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