I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize