my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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