If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
