Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
