In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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