Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
