I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
