if i can run in heels then i can drive
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
