ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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