If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
