So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
