well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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