dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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