My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize