you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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