I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
