My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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