Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
