Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
