First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
