Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
