Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I touched a dick in church today
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