How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
