i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize