I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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