Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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