I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
