I'm pants shitting drunk right now
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
