What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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